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My Deep Dive into Cannabis Couch Lock

cannabis couch lock

Not all cannabis couch lock takes place indoors on a stereotypical couch.  My own recent couch lock experience happened on a friend’s patio on one of those rattan pieces of patio furniture, with a fairly comfy cushion.  It had been awhile since I had gotten together for a social distanced night smoke session with friends so I was excited and had just purchased some Blue Dream, one of my absolute favorite marijuana strains to share. My trusty mini bong in hand, I headed to my friend’s house.

I arrived about 7ish and headed straight to their back patio where everything was set up for a proper smoke session at safe distances.  There were five of us and only one guy who I’d never met before.  This mystery dude was decked out in a kilt with cleats and looked like Tim Robbins long lost stoner son.  If his son wore an electric blue and orange kilt.  Everyone settled down in our respective cushy seats and my friend, who loves to play host, had set out a glass of wine, a glass of water and a small plate of random munchies for each person.  We all even had our own wrap or blanket as it was expected to get pretty chilly once the sun went down.  Being a good cannabis host is no small thing so I will give my friend big props for the effort!

I broke out my Blue Dream to kick things off and passed around the bottle so everyone could dig in and get their own nug.  Off to a fantastic start, I was soon happily stoned, sipping on some dry white wine and eating cheese.  Not a bad way to spend a late summer evening.  Next up my friend shared her MAC strain, which was tasty and a perfect complement to my earlier Blue Dream cannabis strain offering.  So far so good.  The sun was starting to set so I snuggled up with the throw and just enjoyed the good weed and good company moment.

Next up was kilt guy who I learned had glaucoma and was sharing some of his recent medical marijuana stash.  If he told me the name of it, I can’t remember but it smelled a little bit like Sour Diesel, with more of a Juicy Fruit flavor.  Go figure.  Two hits to clear the nug from my baby bong and I settled back in my seat….and there I stayed.  For anyone who has experienced true cannabis couch lock, the loss of the motivation to move is obviously the biggest part of it but for me I also experienced the lack of motivation to speak, at all.  I remember watching one of my friends get up and walk into the house and wishing I could ask for a water refill.  The dry mouth was reaching epic proportions.  The only communication I could manage at this point was to shake my head when someone offered me more marijuana.

I became obsessed with my thirst and the dessert like condition inside my mouth.  The kitchen of my friend’s house seemed miles away when in reality it was probably 20 steps. Such is cannabis couch lock.  Just when I had given up all hope of water, Hugo wandered by.  Hugo is my friend’s deep grey cat with emerald green eyes who loves to hang out during almost any cannabis related function.  We made eye contact, he hopped on my lap for some warmth and I stared into those emerald eyes of his and tried to communicate my desperate need for water.  He looked away with an air of dismissiveness, as cats do, and jumped off my lap.  As I was silently cursing Hugo’s fickle nature I saw he was now on kilt guy’s lap and then kilt guy stood up and said the magic words, “Anyone need anything from the kitchen”? Sweet relief!  I held up my empty plastic cup and a minute later my thirst was quenched!

My cannabis couch lock lasted another hour but the water did unlock my ability to speak so I was once again a contributing member of this patio cannabis night.  Once I was able to peel myself off the chair and walk home I thought a little about the whole experience, especially Hugo’s telepathic powers and kilt guys kind gesture and also his seriously dank buds.  It’s true you should choose your friends wisely in general but when you are hours deep into a cannabis couch lock, having good friends who in turn have amazing pets can make all the difference in the world.  Thanks Hugo and kilt guy.